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Medium-well, at best. đŸ”„

“Kitty Lea, your birthday is on Christmas. Translation: your parents got you a ‘two-for-one’ deal on presents and called it ‘efficient parenting.’ You’re not special — you’re a tax write-off with a party hat.”

: Who is "Kitty Lea"? Knowing her role or persona would help in crafting the "roast" or an essay about the situation.

“You call yourself ‘Kitty’ but you hiss at sunlight, knock things off tables for fun, and threw up a hairball on my couch last Tuesday. The only thing ‘Lea’ about you is the field of red flags you leave behind.”

: I see that "25 12 10." Is that a date, your favorite ISO setting, or just the number of times you’ve re-written your bio this week? You treat your life like a countdown, but the only thing dropping is our interest level.