My Only Bitchy Cousin Is A Yankeetype Guy The Exclusive ((top)) 90%

My only cousin, Barrett — never “Barry,” never “B,” always Barrett — is a Yankee type guy, the exclusive. That’s how my grandma put it once, after he corrected her pronunciation of “pecan.” The exclusive. Like he belonged to a club the rest of us didn’t know existed.

The most exhausting part of having a Yankeetype cousin isn't the loud clothes—it's the attitude. My cousin has mastered the art of the "bitchy" comeback. If you ask him how his day was, you’ll likely get a "Hah? Why do you care?" followed by a dramatic eye roll. my only bitchy cousin is a yankeetype guy the exclusive

He’ll mock your career, your outfit, your choice in bagels, and then Venmo you $50 for “therapy or pizza, don’t care which.” My only cousin, Barrett — never “Barry,” never

I typed: My only bitchy cousin is a Yankee-type guy the exclusive. I meant it as an indictment. But as I stared at the screen, I realized I had accidentally written a poem. The most exhausting part of having a Yankeetype

There’s a difference between tearing someone down and holding them to an absurd, unnecessary standard. Vinnie’s standards are mostly about himself. He suffers his own perfectionism more than anyone.

If you want a version tailored for a blog post, print zine, or social caption (shorter, snarkier, or more reflective), tell me which tone and length and I’ll adapt it.